Peace or War
Lately my mind has been wandering. I find it hard to look people in the face when i speak, constantly feeling like im being judged. I think this feeling of insecurity is from the years of neglect from my fellow peers. Nothing can stop this feeling, and at the same time I dont want it to stop. Without it i would feel empty, but with it i feel empty inside. I force myself to do daily tasks necessary for living. Eat once a day, sleep very few hours, and smoke like its going outta style. I need to end this feeling but without the proper help i feel that im helpless and will continue this self indulgence until i feel sane. Racing thoughts keep me up at night, at times i find it hard to even look straight constantly moving my eyes back and forth and sometimes into the back of my head. Spinning round and round goes the world around me and i feel as though im standing still not moving forward in time or space. This is the first time ive ever written anything personal about myself but i know that i need to keep my hands moving otherwise itll never find a way out until it forces its way out causing a ferocious attack at anyone in my way. Then eventually this ferociousness will subside into a mental breakdown, spirling down until rock bottom. Its inevitable and nothing can stop it. With the recent events with celebrities dropping one by one i find myself not giving a damn because they had it all and i have nothing. I have a group of friends that cares, a loving/supporting family, and nothing to show for it. I think these thoughts are coming out because of a number of reason that I’m not going to state due to uncertainties of what truly is getting to me. I hope whoever is reading this doesnt think this is a suicidal note or anything. suicide is for cowards and i know im stronger than that. This is a statement of slight insanity and possibly denial of what i really am. I dont want to think of myself as someone who needs help, or is crazy, or has issues. I like to think of this as my call out to anyone, whether i know you or not, to simply talk. And this is my tranquil armageddon of a sad boy in an uncomfortable state of mind.
